Malespeak.info

A while back I saw a segment of a well known morning show in which a female guest touted advances made by women via a newly written book. Most often the approach, was the subtle denigration of men and their involvement in the subjugation of women. Recently, as women have progressed, I find them making more feminist leaning statements which tend to totally ignore the role of men in their advance.

One cannot ignore the progress of women in our society,without recognizing the snails pace by which females have come to their own, often imperiled by the actions of men. Yet, men have also been crucial in the uplifting of females and so one doesn’t exist in a vacuum, where men are the dastardly culprits. slowing the advance of women.

What I find a bit disturbing is the too often patronizing attitude that men take toward women When an action benefits females, femalew typically accept it, even if it is patronizing. Individually or in a larger societal context. these events aren’t part of ithe cauldron of objectionable actions on the part of men toward women. Often females accept gender related patronistic attitudes toward them, in silence. What exist is a double standard.

One doesn’t have to go far to find an example where females benefit form paternalistic traditions which are endemic to the male population. Both sexes should operate on a level playing field where opportunity and rewards are equally distributed. On many accounts, this is not the case,.

One encompassing action is the force of tradition or inveterate institutions to legitimize long established gender bias practices which favor the female.

Recently, an acquaintance became engaged and gave his fiancee an expensive diamond ring. She didn’t complain and shows it off everywhere. This most likely will follow through to marriage. On the other hand, what will the male receive in the coupling, ostensibly based upon mutual affection ? What will the male get ? At marriage, a wedding band, a fraction of the cost of her ring.

A gift or action drawn from the heart and applied equally, regardless of gender is a wonderful thing however; when women don’t stand up for internalized unfair and unequal practices that involve male patronage, they do themselves an injustice and will continue to see many of their inroads questioned. Gender baiting is not the way to go, by either sex.

If women want to truly advance, they need to admonish actions that elevate them owing to their gender, and stop ignoring the paternalistic actions of men when it serves their purpose.

At this writing, the country is currently in the midst of the holiday season and network commercials are rampant with ads for jewelry sales and an assundry of luxury items which have women as their marketing base. I don’t hear women rising up against these one-sided ad campaigns, in which men are often ignored.

Recently, Dr. Pepper issued in a new product in which their marketing strategy was aimed at men. Immediately the chance to seize upon sexism was embraced in an initial uproar which seems to have sizzled out; however, the onslaught of commercial ads that pander to the interventionist presence of women in products solely for men are everywhere in our society.( ie -men’s shaving products, erectile medications, men’s dress). Everything that is male always has to involve women. The reverse is hardly the same, as women’s products are for the most part free of the patronizing and interventiuonist attitudes of men. Women’s products are geared toward women and men are rarely used as props to advance a sale.

So, on the essential topic of gender baiitng and pitting females against males we need to be clear that the pendulum swings both ways, Men and women alike use gender to their convenience and it is not solely men who direct such actions.

There is nothing wrong with female advocacy as it uplifts our society, but to make generalized statements that female advancement can occur without males playing an essential role, while provacative, is pure sophistry. Pure and simple, women need men and men need women. That’s it.I t’s a simple formula.

Changing paternalistic and often degrading attitudes toward women has and will continue to evolve. the meantime, females have a responsibility to speak out against events which put them in favor when it’s convenient, and then protest when its not. If females participate in a double standard of conduct, willingly acceding to actions that benefit them, while they go about esposing their advances, they should also be aware, that somewhere in that ascendency a male played a crucial role in giving them the oppotunity to advance.

( Note: all photos used in malespeak.info are assumed to be part of the public domain and to compliment the integrity of the posts,If any image is objectionable in terms of ownership rights or thought to serve a purient interest, please notify the blog author and it will be examined for removal.)

Yeah..sure, what guy wouldn’t want to look like this? You may not go around thinking about it, but given the way that social medium moves guys to envy and therefore obsess over every physical asset or lack there of, you may be thinking that something’s wrong with you. Your mojo instructs you that you need to emulate every move that will project you into the winners column.

Our society makes you feel as though the ultimate is stated through physical beauty. You may not think about it all the time, but time and space allow you to slip into those moments when you truly feel that if this was you, then your definition of life would be somewhat complete, Admit it.!

Now, of course I’m being cynical, but behind my cynicism is a bit of truth that none of us can ignore: the image that you see here is most likely close to the image that you would like to see in the mirror, and that image can directly influence your self-esteem, if you let it.

Here’s my point: physical beauty plays an important role in our concept of “self.” as much as we would deny it, if confronted.

Every day our lives are bombarded with images of beautiful people and the suggestion is that we ought to aspire to that standard in some practice or lifestyle transformation.. Some of you reading this will have physical attributes that match this image, so the reading that you get in the mirror won’t leave you feeling deprived, less beautiful.

As a result, your self esteem may not even venture into those areas which solely focus around beauty, solely because you possess it; however, for the vast majority, all of us fall somewhere short of this image and our reality is vested in aspiring to become something other than what we are physically. We want that genetic imagery transferred to our thinking and no amount of mental wizardry will capture what this one image can.

Physical beauty has lasting consequences that far outweigh mental accuity in our current society and it does more to foster or impede our degree of self esteem, than let’s say intelligence. People can tell you all your life that you’re intelligent.You soak up the compliment and go on, but when one has a genetic complement, with or without intelligence , it weighs far more on the mind and influences to a greater degree our sense of self, our very “self-esteem.”

There is a reason that I chose this image. It embodies the male physique, to which most guys would aspire. in full form definition. It is a revealing beautiful image with no stretch of the imagination.The photography is superb, as is the model. This is the “trap” of a distorted self esteem based solely upon beauty, that many guys become encased within.

Now, I’m not naive or foolish enough to recognize that many of you will disagree with me, but I do feel that any self-esteem which emerges from sole beauty, as in this image, will be structurally weak. In the same realm, most of you will admit that given the choice between a beautiful mind and a beautiful body, most of us would like to be somewhere in-between and if we really had to choose…well, I think you know the answer to that guys.

I met him in 1973 at an airport in Miami, Florida. Three brothers, all of them kind, youthful faces full of smiles, all of us. awkward, Eagle Scouts on our way to various points in the Caribbean for the Caribbean National Jamboree.

I walked over to them or maybe they walked over to me, but it was the one brother, with the coy smile to which  I was drawn . I recall that the banter and the  joy of small talk that would lead to a lifelong friendship, one that rarely comes with white and black.

There was no color distinction in those smiles, no acknowledgement of the years of separation, of the racial inequalities between us that existed in that time. It was a tumultuous time, barely five years removed from the death of Martin Luther King.

As though a world of strained and emotionally conflicted realities were finally settling in for a new day, we made our approach, and in that move cemented what would be a lifetime of memories to the present.. We became friends

Several years after that initial meeting and with constant contact I made my way to their home, to the ski-slopes of Steam Boat Springs and into the arms of a lasting friendship that to this day still fascinates me.

We were indeed different, both of us borne in different areas of the country; myself, in the heart of Ohio and my friend, in the heartland of Kansas: two young guys with nothing in common, except possessed of spirit and vitality that reached beyond the confines of color and tradition.

As I write this, I’m planning my next visit to see my friend and to reinforce the notion that if we let go, the good in all of us can creep through and beautiful experiences become a forever part of our life, It’s like a dream that lives on.

The other day I saw a commercial by “Men’s Warehouse” in which they stated that 87% of women think men look better in suits.

Compared to what…say ” Naked Men”? Would 87% of women believe a man looks better in a suit than seeing him “naked”? I think not
or here’s one…

What if the statement postured that…”87% of men think that women look better in dresses….uh oh…? You know there would be hell to pay. Every women’s group imaginable would be complaining about male sexism.

The whole platform is ridiculous and paternalistic. It seems that the industry has a difficult time making commercials geared for men without persistently introducing women into the mix. That isn’t the case with commercials that deal with female products.

Do men just shave for soft skin and women’s approval? Carmen Electra seems to think thus. It’s time to let men’s products stand alone in their appeal and no. men don’t just have to buy a product or use it because of its appeal to females. The whole assumption is ridiculous and one more in the arsenal of two sided and duplicitous ways we foster paternalistic views toward the female gender.

Chase and me stood there lookin’ at that train, the same way we’d been doin for a long time. When we was just kids, least I mean when we was smaller, we each had one and his was the longest and it had some better cars than mine, bigger, longer, but I did’t care and I didn’t much feel lioke competing with him.In fact, I didn’t need to feel less than him on any level ,’cause he was my freind, my true buddy.

Sometimes he’d take one or more of his cars, disconnect them, and hook them up to mine. He did this to make sure that I felt good, that I knew no matter what, our play was together, our game plan solid.

We smiled together, maybe even cried together, but mostly we laughed together, spending those long summer days waving at the conductors and womderin’ what it’d be like to ride in one of those marvelous steel golliaths.

They might be big, but there was a surreal feeling that overcame us when they came down those tracks. We’d rush to get as close as we could to hear them go by. We both lived close to the tracks and we knew every time they’d be coming our way.

We waited, and until the time it came for more responsibility, we spent our days in that purient wonder of life- a life of fascination ‘board one of them trains-going down the tracks with not a
care in the world. We smiled at each other as though we had a
mutual blending, as though something in the air was takin’ us to the same place, and it was a good place.

We wanted to jump on those trains. Some was easier than others to get up closer, but to tell the truth, we was chicken. We knew that it wasn’t a good idea and so we waited long enough after we had waved to the conductor, who by the way always looked down at us, there, off the side of the tracks, not to close.

We waited until he had passed and then we scurried up the hill to get as close to one of them things as we could. Some of the time we got so close we could almost reach out and touch one of the rail cars, but then we’d pull back, knowing that it was dangerous. Still we never stopped challenging ourselves and the bigger the train the more we were fascinated.

We thought about riding on the outside of the cars, holding on for dear life until we could make it to safety and dump our asses onto the hard wood floors of a rail car.

We liked those small ones too because they would always be goin’ a little slower, just content to be rollin’ along, not out t prove nothing to no one. We liked that move and we could keep our eyes on it longer because it moved slower, semed to be shoulderin’ the burden for its bigger brother, which came and soon was way down the tracks, beyond our seein’.

That’s probably what drew us to that long since abandoned circus train on the high tracks, not to far from our houses. We had gone there on repeated occasions, but never attempted to make our way through the deep brush.There was also this high fence which kept it embargoed up there, all alone by itself.

One day we found a tear in the fence that was meant to keep trespassers out and preceded to rip at the steel, so we could cut and wiggle our way through it and get up there closer to the train.

It was just up there, showing signs of age, but still a sight for two guys on an adventure. It sat there, abandoned on a track that seemed to go on to nowhere. Further down, the track was covered over where large piles of gravel and debris has certained its demise by cutting off the track beyond. Its heyday has long since passed and I learned from my mom afetr a quick scolding not to go up there, that it used to be a circus train and that beyond that tunnel, a ways off to the right where there was a large clearing, that’s where the circus had come to town. It was a big area, acres and acres where the county fair used to be held, just around the bend, but always in the horizon of our overactive imaginations.

We talked and exchanged ideas about that train in it s heyday. For us, we could see it pulling up to the outskirts of that big spread that used to house the circus. We could see its magnificent majesty, all those cars and all the animals huddled in there, calling out to be free.

My momma told me that years before we were born, the circus had stopped coming to our town. The county fair had moved to a new location and with it. the silence of the trains, gone somewhere else.
We had to settle for the carnival, but there weren’t any trains close to the carnival.

In our imaginations those were the summer days and nights where we watched the circus acts under the big tents and afterward we might even have dreams ’bout ‘em. Yet, it was the trains that always stayed on our minds.

So it was that warm sunny day where the balmy afternoon had conspired to draw the rains in and cool it down a bit, that we made our way through the brush, away from the glaring eyes that might threaten to thwart our moves.

As we pulled apart the fence, just wide enough for us to get through, we thought of jumping that train, maybe even make our way, balance and stand on top of it while it was still; that staionary venue that now just sat there, the rage of time spilling over its bulk. We were gonna jump that train and just be back where our minds would take us. We were alone with those thoughts and they visited us often,

In those days, we talked about those dreams and at last we were gonna make it come true. We were gonna hop a train, just like the outlaws and fugitives in those movies. We was gonna have our day with our dreams and make ‘em happen.

My name’s Brice and I was the first to get up there to that train at the top of that steep embankment, Chase had slipped coming up and so the race was mine after that. I looked down at him with glee as I saw him quickly advancing on me. We were pals and we had pulled together for the one event of our youth that would always be with us.

The circus train was in-between. I’d seen bigger and some smaller, but this train was perfectly suited for both us to ride and soon we’d be on board. From a distance, I’d noted that a few of the rail car doors was slightly ajar, and the entrances to one of the cars had a step-up where we could grab on. So we’d hop that one, lay back and just ride off into the sunset, glory at our backs.

Do my thoughts sound like a western or a twilight drama ? Well, that’s what we did. First me, I stepped up quickly as though the train was moving, called out to my buddy Chase and grabbed his hand and our fingers enfolded in a life-death clasp. The thought of us loosing our grip on each other was out of the question. We struggled to gain a stronghold and lift ourselves up.

We did so and immediately exchanged one of those joyous victory smiles. We had captured the essence of our dreams, and at that moment we were becoming one with them.

We lay back for the moment, imagining the winds as they blew past us in fitful torrents which blasted our senses. We twisted, contorted ourselves to receive the oncoming grace which placed us a visionairies against the sullied reality of the outside world. Bliss accompanied our senses, as we joyfully spread to imbibe, encompass, an imagining, now ripening before us.

Somewhere, in those hours, between the many stories, questions probed and answers to our utopian youth, where our smiles drifted into the somber acts of thankfulness and our eyes grew heavy, we drifted away.

We slept and both of us dreamed. We dreamed about trains and as each one passed by in those dreams, we were aboard all of them. Not one of them passed us by. When we awakened, the sun had fallen in the western sky and twilight was fast approaching over the horizon. We steadied ourselves and came to terms with the brevity of our experience. We were satisfied, and the youthful fantasy was complete.

To say the least, it became our slogan and when people would comment on our over active imaginations, we were simply, “boys ridin on trains.”

When we think of bullies,

, we often think of the playground or high school, but bullying among adults is also shockingly common. For example, 49% of U.S. employees have either been the target of bullying or witnessed it in their work lives. What’s more, bullying has dire consequences, with the targets of bullying at increased risk for depression, anxiety and stress-related maladies.

Some of us, even have friends that exhibit one or more traits of bullies. Many of these people are intelligent and often fool you with their external behavior, but beneath they hide a secret, which can be devastating to other people’s lives. You may not be the target of a bully, but I’ll bet you’ve been around someone who is like this or has shown characteristics of bullying, directed at others.

It’s also surprising how many well meaning people, who have genuine bonding skills and make friends easily latch onto, unknowingly, these type of people. Sometime you find them out and separate yourself from them,but many times, males especially, become part of their ruse, where the bully, often uses well meaning friends and associates to hide their own hidden bully tactics.

Many times we overlook, mean, callous, provacative behavior- especially males,-becasue unfortunately, this type of aggression has become acceptable for men, especially in the workplace.

Often, males especially glorify bullying tactics as a necessary tactic in advancement.  A good bully is cleaver and can draw in the most secure individuals, who then regard him or her as a go-getter, when in reality the methods that they employ are nothing more than all out bullying of others for their own benefit, however subtle or overt.

Check out the different types of bullies. We often find ourselves excusing their behavior or classifying them under some other category, mostly signifying some mental label. Often we just chose to ignore their behavior or say that they’re just “mean”.

Research has determined that bullying goes much deeper, and for a variety of reasons, it should never be ignored, even if we’re not the intended target. Grave consequences can come from a bully being allowed to exist amidst any group, or any particular individual

We have active cases of this behavior up and running in our curent political factions, where we chose to demonize those that don’t agree with us. In all cases there are the leaders in this activity who draw others into their web through diversion and distorction of the truth

The same tactics that are operational at a group  or demographic level can exist in the particulars of a friendship or bonding with another individual, and just maybe we don’t see it.

Could someone you know be friends with this type of person, who has grown into adulthood, but uses the same Modus Operandi to get their way.

*Think about it!”

The other day I saw this older man out running, wearing these incredibly revealing lycra spandex tights. To say the least, he looked ridiculous! in those tights. Younger guys would look equally ridiculous. In the words of an acute observer, read about his experience, below:

Note: This image and content expressed within quotes, taken from
MaxGrace.com
The author of the comments writes below:

” I am sipping early morning Verona at Starbucks, when a 65-ish dude clomps into the store in full bike-riding gear. What is it about being in AARP that makes a guy dress like Lance Armstrong?

So this guy’s skin is weathered, like the lizard-people who populate Florida’s beaches. But it’s weird because he shaved his legs. So picture loose extra lizard-skin chicken legs, flopping above spiked riding shoes that make him walk funny, like he’s wearing in ski-boots with loaded Depends.

But the worst part is his shorts: spandex tights that make the guy look like he’s smuggling grapes.

Don’t decency laws cover this? What’s wrong with a T-shirt and gym shorts? Okay, yeah, maybe you need padding down there to protect you from a hard bike seat… so wear the spandex biker shorts, but for decency’s sake, please pull gym shorts over them.”  <end of quote>

Now, here is why I think guys should be wary of wearing this revealing clothing…..

1) Everyone can see your “Junk”. It can’t be avoided and it stands out. A man’s genitals are in full view to the public, not to mention those prodigous orbs that are part of the male genitalia.

2) This Revealing image.., looks somewhat like the male version of “slutty clothing” such as a woman showing too much cleavage or wearing such thin clothing that her nipples stand out. If a woman had the same equipment as a male, it would be equally as revealing, but we would then call it slutty looking. Not so for a male.

3) It is uncomfortable. That says it all. It forces a guy to pack his genitals into a very tight space. If he doesn’t wear a jock strap beneath these ball-buster bottoms,everything is visble including size and length. Do you want everyone to know to what degree your “junk” is developed. Take a look at some of these pics.It hits you smack in the face.

4) Older guys especially shouldn’t wear spandex because they have so much loose skin and their testicles look as though they are detached from their member.

5) Think about what you’re wearing when you exercise. Fabulous or less than fabulous body, having that definitive of an outline on a guy’s genitals provides little protection and might even be a target “if you know what I mean…?”

6) Finally, many men who wear spandex don’t look good in it although they may think or believe that they do. I have found this to be certain in older men. Get a second or third opinion before you slip into this revealing apparel. You may be surprised at the looks.

This comment came from Katrina on Fitness Forum.
“Most women do NOT like men in lycra. Even if there is a bulge, it is not attractive. Unless you are In a marathon or are running a triathalon at that moment, change into regular shorts once you enter the gym. Just a womans opinion.”

In the end, I guess it all comes down to what you feel comfortable in guys, but remember, don’t make a fool of yourself wearing clothing that is obviously too tight and only worn to appeal to the crowd’s “purient” interests.

Clothing is optional.This is one buddy who doesn’t give a damn! The rest of your male friends…well, let’s just say it all depends on what you want to communicate.

First of all, It’s indeed pathetic that this is a topic, but like so many challenges in this time period, we move from one type of discrimnation to another. We live in a society which values the worth of an individual around physical attributes.

Attractive people get more opportunities, more jobs, more love..you name it. Tall people seem to be in.” Why” I’m not sure. No one can be attractive unless they are cut, slim or any combo thereof. It seems sacrilege to suggest that a fat person is attractive. Well, the same seems to go for guys that are shorter.We don’t apply this same standard to guys that are tall. I’ve never seen males as tall as they are today.

Has anyone noticed that lots of males are incredibly tall. Just go into a bar, sit there for a while and watch the height of young guys entering the place. You’d be amazed at the inches on these guys. They’re much taller than when I was growing up.

Just as younger women with bad diets tend to develop unnaturally large breasts, the role of hormones may play the same role in males who grow up with a hormone laden diet, especially from meats. but that’s beside the point. Genetics doesn’t tell the whole picture with tall guys and it’s the same for shorter guys.You work with what you got.

I saw this article entitled-”3 dating challenges for short Guys” and I must admit, being short, that it pissed me off. Why should a guy’s height have anything to do with his ability to date effectively? Turns out, overall, it doesn’t, but our society is loaded down with prejudices where we take commercial attitudes which reinforce some aspect of being “large” or “tall” to have some advantage over being short. I found myself even complaining about my own height (5’7) when I couldn’t reach something in my cupboard and had to have a taller friend get it for me.

I want you all to know, that I, as many of you have, tall friends. They never seem to make an issue of being tall, so this is not aimed at tall guys. They seem to care less, afterall, tall guys also find it inconvenient to get into tight spaces. Take notice that many of the best and fit people, among them gymnasts, and divers are not particularly tall but often closer to the norm or shorter. I also don’t believe that dating ought be a challenge for short guys. It only serves to factionalize and that is merely for commercial and product exploitation, especially with the fashion industry.

Then there is the myth that short guys have bad attitudes. That was emphasized in the farsical
song about short people. Contray to some beliefs “ short guys don’t have “nasty attitudes” any more than tall guys. It’s the situation and the individual’s confidence that wins over a woman or man. Because a guy is short doesn’t mean that he has a “Napoleon Complex.” Most guys don’t even know to what that stereotype alludes.

Once again, good news for short guys, most women don’t care. whether you’re short or tall. It’s a myth. Repeat that to yourself until you start believing it.

With these traits in mind, remember that height is not necessarily included in a man’s “good looks,” and with the right amount of confidence, women are sure to look past what you see as a flaw and would be interested in getting to know you.

But in our prejudiced society, where certain norms and expectations rule, we all want to be part of the crowd, and even meet or exceed standards.

Women found these as admirable traits in a man: intelligence, ambition, genuine kindness and caring with a sense of humor, sense of style, confidence good looks

If a girl tells you that you’re too short for her, that’s not a physical defect, but she’s looking at it as a deficiency. While she has the right to pick and chose whom she would like to date, as we all do, the mere fact that she uses a person’s height as a marker tells me that you shouldn’t even give her the time of day. That’s her problem.